Is it all for nothing?

I had good intentions today on writing a blog on ways not to be a suck ass friend to me.  🙂  But as I sit here in the waiting area for my grandmother to come out of surgery, I feel a sense of sadness for her.  To be 82 years of age and have only two of your family members waiting on you, not even a phone call from your sons to check on you.

Is it all for nothing?  To have selfishly mothered three children and not one of them can show up for you.  To say that they love you, but not show you such is true.  I can say for myself when I do for my own children I’m never thinking that one day they will pay me back..  I do things for them simply because I love them, they are “my” children!  Although I can’t say the same for my grandmother, only because I didn’t have her as a mother.  I do believe however that most parents improve on the parenting they received as children.

I get it, sometimes there are people in your life that are just difficult to be around.  But your very own mother?  You only get one of them in this life.  It’s unfortunate for some that we have no say in the mother we get.  My very own mother (the one that can’t seem to compliment me) isn’t winning awards for her parenting any time soon, but I would still be there for her.  I would show up for my one and only mother.  If it wasn’t for the “mother” I have I couldn’t be the mother I am to my boys today!

Honestly it pisses me off that I have put myself in the position to be my grandmother’s go to person.  All the while enabling her grown sons to be pieces of shit.  It pisses me off that her very own children don’t love her enough to show up for her.  When she asked if they had called and checked on her I told her the truth, her response was far too kind.  Goes to show you that a mother’s (parents) love is truly blind at times.

I think about the unhealthy relationship I have with my own parents and what I can do to improve the one I have with my boys.  My hope would be that we will raise our boys with some amount of respect not only for me as their mother but us as parents.  That they wouldn’t do for us out of obligation but do so simply from love.  That they see that selfishly sacrificing their time for someone in need can mean everything.  That they learn to live a life of service to others.  After all isn’t that what we need more of in this world?


2 thoughts on “Is it all for nothing?

  1. If your mother weren’t who she is, you may not have grown into the beautiful person you are today. Hope your granny is doing better and glad you were able to be there for her!

  2. Families are so hard. You are such an amazing person to love disregarding what you might get back and what has happened before. I’m so glad your Granny has you even thought I know it is not without sacrifice on your part. Hope she’s recovering nicely.

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